Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Don't Worry. Be Happy. And Update Your Resume.

A suspiciously New Age sounding company, Balance Integration, wants to help your boss alleviate the anxiety he creates by firing people willy-nilly.

"Balance Integration believes the sum of any corporation is greater when its parts are whole and they’re functioning harmoniously (and no one’s worrying about losing their job!," B.I. says.

B.I. needs a little grammar training, but nothing to get too worried about. On the other hand, maybe someone should be laid off.

Balance Integration claims to "incorporate simple, stress-relieving tactics into the workday by providing in-office seminars and sessions on how to combat stress and fatigue in the workplace through meditation and even desk-side yoga."

B.I.'s main client is Dunder-Mifflen, from the sound of it.

Wait! Here's an idea: Don't fire people indiscriminately! Treat then with a certain amount of dignity. Act (you don't need to believe this) as if you appreciate their work.

If the company you work for starts training you in desk-side yoga, breathe into a bag until the anxiety attack subsides.

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